I, Tonya

There are films that are good and there are films that are special. Every once in a while, you come across a film that feels personal, and a sense of protectiveness surges within you. It radiates warmth and comfort. You want to bask yourself in all of it.

After my third viewing of I, Tonya, I hesitated to write my thoughts on it, not only because of the complex nature of the film, but also because the immense joy and excitement this film inspires in me permeate me to the point where none of my words seems to be coming out right. All of a sudden my words are either too much or too little. They become inadequate, unworthy. Even the idea of judging the film based solely on technical merits seems shallow. But above all, I don’t want my words to taint the film or anyone’s experience with it. It deserves to stand on its own.

One thing I will say though is that I, Tonya feels deeply humane. We are funny, tragic, despicable, full of contradictions, chaotic, broken beyond repair. And because of our own brokenness, we hurt others because hurt is all we have left to give. We have come to accept that violence is normal because it is present in all that we have experienced. The thing is we are all too caught up in our own bullshit, the truths we create and convince ourselves and others to believe but there is just nothing easy about the truth, it’s almost always ugly. Some of us just have to deal with more of this ugliness and some less.

Anyway, these are just all the ways I cannot say how much I love this. Ultimately, you have to feel it to know it. For now, I will happily, unreservedly surrender to every single one of these wild and unruly feelings over and over again. This will stay with me for a long time. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

(Originally posted on 23 Jan 2018 @projectunwrapped)